My body’s sick. And it might be cancer. Or it might not be. In either case, it’s not as serious as it sounds. My life is in no way in danger. At all. I swear.
But it’s pissing me off to no end. My 12-14 hour work days have been cut in half, which means that almost all of my time spent is focused on my clients’ work. Because I love my clients (they are THE definition of “ossum.” You think your clients are the coolest only because you haven’t met mine. Srsly.) and they deserve the best.
I know that the doctors will be able to fix me up relatively quickly so I can get back to feeling like myself again. Not soon enough, mind you. But I tend to be an impatient bitch sometimes. (Okay, like, a lot of the time.)
I’ve had to set aside personal and JV projects that I was really excited about. I’ve had to turn down work that I knew would be especially draining. My voice is affected so the podcast is off to the side for now.
And, over the past few weeks, I’ve had to force a smile way more often than I’m accustomed to or comfortable with.
I hate sick.
On the other hand, I’ve been forced to reconnect with my body…you know, that bag of water and bones that carries us around and tends to get ignored more than any other thing in our lives.
I have been able to catch up on reading and, turns out, I’d forgotten how much I enjoy reading something just for fun.
I have received so much love and support from the people in my life that it makes my eyes fill with tears of gratitude every time I think about it.
And I have been reminded that, no matter how much we think we’re in control of our lives, we are not.
Control is an illusion.
It’s a warm security blanket we cover ourselves with in order to shield us from the absolute uncertainty of life.
Finally, in accepting this truth for the bazillionth time, I’m able to find some freedom there.
Maybe sick isn’t so bad after all. Maybe the Universe, in all Her wisdom, is not-so-gently guiding me to slow down a bit, and to remember the things that are truly important in life:
Family
Friends
Love
Books that make you LOL
And, most importantly…
Surrender
Photo by 
Faramarz Hashemi
[...] it seems that nothing is all I can [...]