Lost In Confusion – Part 2 of Why Your Customers Are Saying “No”

Little Susie Q. wanted to run a special offer to drum up sales at her purple panty website. It was the middle of summer, historically the slow period for purple panties. Susie always assumed it was because everyone skipped wearing their underwear during the hot season, just like she did.

Whatever the reason, she was determined to make this summer’s sales skyrocket. Susie set up a 3-for-1 sale on her site and waited for the orders to pour in.

And she waited.

But nothing happened. Not one visitor to her site took advantage of her special offer.

On the tenth day Susie threw her hands up in frustration, “What the hell is wrong with you people?!” she yelled into her monitor.

“Hey, now…” Adred mumbled from her pillow “Cat’s trying to get some beauty sleep here, Susie. Keep it down.”

Susie turned to Adred, “Why are people so dumb? I’m offering them THE purple panty deal-of-a-lifetime and they STILL won’t buy!”

Adred stretched her back, spread out her paws a bit and stood up. “Guess the cat’s not sleeping after all.” She harrumphed and sauntered over to the monitor that had apparently insulted Susie terribly. “What’s the problem exactly?”

“I set up this sale over a week ago and I haven’t received one stinking order. All they have to do is buy ONE pair and they get TWO MORE free! Can you imagine turning that down? Can you, Adred?”

Adred held up a paw. “Calm down, Susie, and just show me the page.”

Susie punched a few buttons and brought up the sales page. Adred read the copy aloud:

Greatest Purple Panty Sale Ever! Susie Q.’s first 3-for-1 Bonanza

Buy any one pair of our bikini bottoms, bikini brief bottoms or g-strings and receive two additional pairs of equal or lesser value.

Offer only good on sizes 3-6. Larger sizes receive a 2-for-1 offer but then have to buy one of our lacey purple panty bottoms to get a free bikini bottoms or g-string but NOT a bikini brief bottom…unless the larger size laced purple panty is from our Black Tie purple panty collection, in which case you can qualify to receive a bikini brief bottom for free.

Adred finished reading and just stared blankly at Susie for a few seconds.

“What?” Susie’s voice had gone from frustrated to sheepish. She knew that look. “What’s wrong with the page?”

“Did you ever hear the saying ‘A confused mind always says no?”

Susie shook her head ‘no.’

“It’s a fact. For some reason you humans are wired to say ‘no’ to almost anything. But, when the human mind gets even the slightest bit confused, that ‘no’ becomes much more emphatic. You cannot make a sale if your pitch is at all unclear. Got it?” Adred didn’t wait for an answer but went back to her pillow and was instantly asleep again.

Susie looked at her sales page and thought about what Adred had said. She removed all the rules and “fine print” and just let the 3-for-1 offer stand. Almost immediately, orders began pouring in and Susie finally had her purple panty summer bonanza she’d been hoping for.

Keep your message clear and your offers clearer. Confusion kills sales. It’s clarity your people want. After all, isn’t it what we all want?