Why I Don’t Want Your Help

 

 

Little Susie Q. wanted to give her purple panties sales a lift. She’s already created her message as you may recall: all women should feel sexy. Now it was time to integrate that message into her marketing.

She began sending out emails to her list explaining how her purple panties could help them feel sexier. Her site’s tagline read “Helping women everywhere feel sexy anywhere.” She felt it was catchy, witty and relayed her message well. All her friends agreed and cheered her on.

Then…crickets. Not only did her sales not go up, there was actually a slight decline that month.

“WTF?!” Susie cried out in frustration. “Why isn’t this working?”

As luck would have it, Adred the Magic Cat was just passing by the Purple Panties HQ and heard Susie’s cries for help. Not being one to ever mind her own business, she walked in.

“What’s all this whimperin’ and whinin’? You lose you mouse or something?” Adred asked in her usual abrupt manner.

Susie pulled one of the purple panties off the shipping rack and blew her nose with it. She folded it up and carefully tucked it back on the rack. Still sniffling, she crossed her arms and said “I want to help women feel sexier and they won’t let me.”

“Well,” Adred paused to sit down. She’d walked at least twelve feet since her last nap. “…we all know women want to feel sexy. No mystery there. But…how do you know they want help?”

Susie blinked, obviously not following.

Adred took in a deep breath. “Lemme ask you this, instead of sitting in here crying why haven’t you asked anyone to help you? You have people around you who know a lot about this marketing crap…” she issued a loud, intentional throat clearing, “…why haven’t you reached out?”

“Oh, you know how I am, Adred. I’m an independent woman. I like to do things on my own. I feel like a failure when I have to ask for help.”

“Mmhmmm, mhmmm.” Adred nodded her head and waited for the light bulb to flicker over Susie’s head.

No such luck, so the magic cat continued. “Susie, if you don’t like the thought of needing help, why do you think your customers would?”

“Because they need my help!” Susie shot out without hesitation.

“Yessss,” Adred’s clawed stretched out and she began using Susie’s pantleg to sharpen them. Her patience was wearing thin. “Just as you needed mine. A part of you even wanted my help, but what you clearly did NOT want was to admit you needed help. People don’t want ‘help’ they want to be inspired.”

“Ooohhhh…” Seems the lights were finally beginning to shine. “Thank you, Adred! I think I know what to do and there’s not much time. Gotta run..”

“Hey wait! What about a little nip for my troubles…HEY!” Adred called after Susie but to no avail. She shrugged her furry shoulders, mumbled something about miserable ingrates and sauntered home wondering if Mommy would play laser light with her after lunch…and a nap.

The next morning, Susie sent out a new email to her list. It featured a photo of Susie wearing her purple panties and looking fabulous. She exuded confidence and raw sexuality. The text of the email invited people to her 2-for-1 sale.

Now, let me stop here and say that Susie is no spring chicken. She carries with her the saddle bags, love handles, stretch marks and cellulite that only a well-lived life can bring. But holy smokes did she look hawt in that photo. Something about her, something no one could put their finger on, made them all want to run out and by those damned purple panties.

And they did.

Susie went through a month’s inventory that week and sales continue to grow. The magic that Adred shared with Susie is invaluable but so often missed.

Help is not something I yearn for. It’s not something I decide to purchase. It’s not something I ever think I want or need. And it’s not going to get me to buy anything from you.

Instead, get out there and SHOW me whatchu got. INSPIRE me and open me up to the POSSIBILITIES that arise when I choose to wear your particular brand of purple panties. NOW you have something to sell me…and I already know I want it!

 

Your Perfect People Pickle Palmistry Solution

 

 

There’s a lot of talk here at Up Your Impact Factor about perfect people. And there’s a lot of reasons for this:

1. It’s one of the things I specialize in.

2. It’s one of the things I see many people struggle with.

3. It’s absolutely paramount to your business’ success online.

And every time I hear someone try to define their target market as it relates to online solopreneurship, it makes me want to talk about perfect people even more.

Up until now, there’s been no way to get to the bottom of the “perfect people pickle” without some serious hard work and soul searching.

Some of my clients can take a few weeks or more to really get the inner clarity they need around this issue. It’s not an easy thing because it requires a high level of honesty with self. For many, many people this is a time consuming and complicated problem.

What if there was a way to get a totally individualized perfect people map for your business? No more blueprints, cookie cutter strategies or impersonalized business plans. I mean really and truly ONLY for you.

Sound pretty cool?

Because my friend and crazy-talented palmistry expert Peggie Arvidson and I have put together a solution for you. One that I have been jumpin’ out of my chair to share with you.

Your Perfect People Pickle Palmistry Solution

Oh! It gives me shivers, it’s so brilliant. You can’t imagine how thrilled I am to offer this to you because I know just how powerful this can be, and how quickly you are going to get the clarity you so need and want.
[custom_list style=”list-7″]

  • If you’re still not getting the results you want…
  • If you’re not happy with your current customers but don’t know what to do about it…
  • If your business is draining your energy and creativity…and bank account…

[/custom_list]You need this!

Here’s how it works:

You send us a pic of your lovely hands and Peggie works her magic to create a personalized report usually within 48 hours. Once I get the report, I immediately contact you to set up a 30 minute session. During that session, you and I will discuss Peggie’s reading as it relates to your business.

We’ll develop a strategy that combines these new insights with your existing passions and goals. Then, you get a month’s worth of email support as you implement your sparkly new and TOTALLY UNIQUE marketing plan.

Plus, c’mon…figuring out your perfect people has never even come close to this much fun!

Are you as pumped as I am? Good! Because here’s the REALLY cool part…

The first 25 people who order are going to get the ENTIRE shebang for only $99!

You’ll Discover:

[custom_list style=”list-1″]

  • What clues your hands hold to unlock the secrets shrouding your perfect people
  • Why you may be working with the wrong people and not even know it
  • Who, precisely, your perfect people really are (they’re not always who you think!)
  • Where to find your perfect people
  • How to use this juicy info to transform your business into a space of high-powered creativity, energy, nourishment and profit[/custom_list]

Introductory offer only $99!! For less than a hundred bucks you can finally stop stressing over where and who your tribe is. Not to freakin’ shabby! Order Yours Today!

4 Lessons I Learned From Playing Pro Poker

 

 

 

For a few years I played poker semi-professionally. Donned with the right amount of cleavage (rule of thumb: it’s never too much), well-manicured cherry-red finger nails and dark sunglasses I would hop to the Atlantic City casinos on the weekends and rid aging tourists of their money. On weeknights I’d play online. It was still safe, and legal, then.

During this time I learned to shuffle the chips with one hand, deftly weaving them through my fingers, stacking and re-stacking them. This trained my hands not to shake when big cards came and provided a hypnotic diversion for the other players. I discovered that if I leaned in when making a big move and slightly pressed my tits against the table rail, it would often distract my opponent enough to cover any of my tells.

Of course, playing online did not offer me these advantages and it forced me to sharpen the more advanced skills involved in being a great poker player. Every day after work I’d spend hours practicing. I battled myself until I overcame any obstacles in my path. Then, with a little luck and some red war paint I would always walk away a winner.

Aside from cleavage and nail polish, here are the real lessons I learned from playing pro poker:

Know Yourself, Trust Yourself

If you cannot trust your instincts you cannot play poker. Period. And trusting your instincts requires an intimate understanding of yourself.

There are times when your pocket 2’s are good. You know this. You can feel it and see it in the other players’ faces. This is instinct. There are other times when you are being stubborn and impulsive. You know damned well your 2’s are beat and yet you play them anyway. This is ego.

Learning the subtle differences between the voice of our ego and that of our instinct is paramount to success in poker, business, love and life.

Only Ever Play Against Yourself

As soon as you start playing against your opponents, you’ve lost the game. This seems counterintuitive if not contradictory. But the decisions you make are your own. You have all the information you need right in front of you. All you have to do is look, process and follow through.

When we only ever play against ourselves we can only ever improve our game. Once it becomes a battle against another person any chance of personal evolution gets thrown out the window, along with our chances of success.

Approaching our business’ “competition” this way is equally wise. Only ever try to improve upon your business, offer better content or higher quality customer service. Don’t try to just beat the other guy. It won’t get you half as far.

Stay In the Moment

Maybe the single most important practice for my health (mental and otherwise) today is that I strive to always stay in the now. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still an uphill battle. Our minds constantly want to obsess on the past or worry about the future.

Poker requires a steady, calm mood. You cannot play well if you are not in complete control of your emotions and thoughts. Reflecting on a bad beat, even for just a few seconds, is poison to anyone’s game. I’ve seen the world’s top players crumble hundreds of times by getting stuck in that last lost hand. Sometimes it’s so hard to let go, our egos want to hold on so tightly.

The beauty, and the Truth, lie in this moment right now. Neither the past nor the future exist in this moment. Right now you can create whatever you want. Right now you can write your own story.

Only Play With What You Can Lose

Professional poker players do not consider themselves gamblers. While the government forces them to file their profession for taxes as “professional gambler” they resent it, and rightly so. As much as golf, poker is a sport and an art form. It is something that you can train for, master and greatly affect the odds. Gambling is gambling.

That said, there are very few certainties in life. So whether you’re sauntering up to the no limit table or about to embark on a new business venture, don’t cash in more than you can afford to lose. This includes your health, your time, your family and your sanity.

 

 

Warning: I Did It For You

 

 

[message type=”custom” width=”50%” align=”center” start_color=”#fffff7″ end_color=”#d7acd0″ border=”#d7acd0″ color=”#832674″]This week’s Friday Round-Up is more of a Friday Check-In. Partly because I’ve been unplugged for most of this week dealing with a leetle household emergency (I’m okay) and I missed so much awesome. Secondly, this is what feels right for today…so here ’tis…[/message]

Friday’s Check-In


[custom_list style=”list-4″]

  • Last night I spent a few minutes outside honoring the moon. This helps re-charge my creativity and balances my monthly hormone cycle. When I do this, it feels like I am reclaiming my sexuality.
  •  

  • Then I went to bed earlier than I wanted to. This was to make sure I would wake up in time for my morning meetings with a clear head and be completely present during that time.
  •  

  • After I got up this morning, I made myself eat something even though I wasn’t hungry and didn’t want to eat. This was to wake up my metabolism and help maintain a balanced system throughout the day.
  •  

  • Even though I am swamped right now both with work and personal life, I took some time to go walk in the woods today. This helped me reconnect with Nature, clear up my thoughts and inspire more creativity.
  •  

  • Throughout the day I practiced quiet mediation, silently inviting the Divine to sit with me in my heart. This was to ensure I was open and receptive to my needs, and the needs of those around me.

[/custom_list]

Something about doing these things consistently is difficult for me.

They each interfere with my “shoulds.”

 

  • I Should be working, not walking in the woods.
  • I Should be talking to my peeps on Twitter, not staring at the moon.
  • I Should stay up late and get more done, even if I feel like shit tomorrow.

 

Admittedly, I tend not to complete each of these daily steps which I know make me healthier, stronger, more productive and infinitely more creative. I know if I do these things my life and business flow smoothly, no matter what troubles arise. I know if I do these things I’ll be happier…and yet my tendency is to not do these things. My tendency is to get lost in the minutia of the day until I’ve run out of time for these very important things. But I think I found a cheat code.

[message type=”warning”]Warning: This might make some life coaches, mentors and therapists cringe a bit because we’re supposed to really want to take good care of ourselves on the merit alone that it’s good for us…but that smacks of ‘should’ to me.  And honestly, I don’t get the best results. So I’m going to trust my instincts, hope that I continue to evolve, and do it my way for now.[/message]

Here’s my cheat code:

I do these things for YOU. I promise to take care of myself, and to love myself enough to do these things every day, because I love YOU. I can totally do that. I feel motivated and inspired by that. Yes, this works for me. This is what I’m doing for you.

Now what are YOU gonna do for you (or me)?

My only hope is that whatever it is, it’s something that leaves you feeling wonderfully fulfilled, nurtured and creatively energized afterwards.

Only from this space can we offer our true selves to others.

 

PS: This week’s Spice Up Your Shite will be coming out tomorrow. It might be late but it’s worth the wait! Adred’s got some great insights for you and she’s really riding my ass to get the word out. So if you haven’t signed up yet, please do so in the big yellow box at the top right of the page. Yes…now.

 

“Sorry” Doesn’t Sell Sh*#

 

 

If I see one more of my beloved awesomes apologizing for trying to make a living online I’m going to cry. You don’t want me to cry do you? Of course you don’t. I’m a tough cookie and I hate when people see me cry. Plus, you’ll feel obligated to console me and who has time for all that? So let’s just knock this silly shit off right now. K? K.

Once you create something, pour your heart and soul into it, work night and day on it and just know it’s the best thing you could possibly offer the world…when the time comes to ask people to buy it from you…DON’T SAY YOU’RE SORRY!

You’re NOT sorry.

Why would you have worked so hard at something you’re totally ashamed of? Why would you put all your hopes and dreams into this new creation only to apologize in the end for marketing it?

You may very well be afraid, maybe even a little insecure (maybe even a lot), but these egoic stumbling blocks are best kept far, far away from your sales copy.

 

 

To apologize for marketing your product is disingenuous at best.

At worst, it makes you sound like Pee Wee Herman.
 
What I see when I come to a wimpy, mea culpa sales message is that this person has no faith in herself nor her products. She feels slimy or salesy for asking me to buy her creation.

So why should I spend another minute or one single penny trying to prove her wrong? I just take her word for it and move on.

You must know what you’re offering is awesome. It’s your baby! But to expect everyone else to figure this out by simple osmosis will never, ever work. Never. Ever.

YOU have to tell them it’s awesome.

YOU have to shout it from the virtual rafters ’til you’re blue in the face.

YOU have to SHOW people you’re serious, passionate and confident about this offer.

This thing you’ve created can change their life. You are sincerely hoping they will benefit from your creation beyond measure. They need to buy it NOW.

Not tomorrow, not next week, not if they might consider maybe buying it next year because you don’t want to be too pushy…NOW!

And without a shred of apology. Without even the slightest hint of “I’m sorry but…” Seriously, if you do I’ll come by your sales page with a big bucket o’ white-out!

You’ll be fine, I promise. And hey, if it makes you feel better, tell yourself I made you do it. I made you market your shit with vim and vigor instead of wimp and whine. I’m more than happy to accept that accusation.

Oh, here’s the other thing: you’ll sell more shit and make more money too…IF, of course, that’s something you might be interested in. Ahem.

 

No Escape

 

 

Sometimes there is simply no escape.

We sit facing our demons, our fears and our obstacles. We stare into the abyss too long and let ourselves sink too deeply into stagnation. We feel we’re not good enough, smart enough, qualified enough. We feel we’ve nothing to give, create or say that’s worth giving, creating or saying.

 

There is no escaping these things. There exist no back roads or side streets you can take to avoid these things.

Instead of trying to escape…

Quietly acknowledge these things. Sit with them. Be with them. Give yourself permission to experience the chilling fear and overwhelming uncertainty.

Accept that the parts of you which generate these things only want to keep you safe. These things are not to be fought against or struggled with. They are not evil nor are they out to get you. They are merely our precious and childlike egos trying to protect themselves.

What we resist persists.

So stop trying to escape. Stop resisting. Work through these things with the awareness of their intent. With forgiveness and compassion.

Then, once you have achieved a state of acceptance, once you stop trying to find the escape route, once you are at peace with the demons and fears and obstacles…get off your bum and go create what you were meant to create!

After all, no one else but you can create it. And I give you my word, the world desperately needs whatever that is.

 

Can’t Means Won’t

 

Me not letting them tell me I couldn't cook.

It’s sunny outside. A perfect spring day. This is a long-awaited treat and I’m finding it particularly difficult to stay focused. I feel distracted. I don’t want to write or work or even think anymore today…I can’t says the whiney voice in my head.

Then, just as quickly, I hear the familiar nun’s sing-song voice from grade school chirping:

“Can’t means won’t!”

She brainwashed me. All of us, probably. She repeated that phrase each and every time she heard the word “can’t” and in a classroom full of ten year olds who hate math, that’s a LOT OF TIMES.

Can’t means won’t has become so engrained in my psyche, to this day I still find the word “can’t” stuck in my throat.

And as I sit here, lusting after the spring air and putting off that which needs doing (and hearing voices in my head), I have to take a moment to appreciate what a wonderful thing that nun did for me.

Never again did I accept that I couldn’t do something. There were a whole helluva lot of things I wouldn’t do…but not anything I couldn’t.

In looking back, the times in my life when I’ve really risen to my full potential were those times when someone told me I couldn’t accomplish something.

Have you any can’ts running amuck in your brain, limiting your possibilities?

You can’t be a success.

You can’t handle this crisis.

You can’t stand out from the crowd.

You can’t make a difference in this world.

Or will you?

 

 

 

 

What’s Wrong With a Little Woo?


I’ve been hearing rumblings lately which I believe are a bit self-deprecating. Things like “I want to take the woo out of [insert topic].” or “How do I not sound too woo-wooey?” Things like that.

So I ask you, what’s wrong with a little woo?

There are intuitive coaches, sound healers and even silly-looking dances designed to bring about spiritual revelations…each experiencing great success online. People, myself included, eat this shit up like it’s chocolate-covered.

Face it, we like woo.

While I do understand not wanting to come off as some new-age hippy-dippy snake-oil-selling gypsy, watering down your message so you can fade into the mainstream is not only bad for business…it’s futile.

If you want to sell me a virtual chakra healing via Skype, you’re wooey. If you’re trying to convince me you can channel my dead dog, you’re wooey too. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want the chance to speak with my lost canine friend or have my chi flow more freely.

When we edit ourselves and our marketing message in the hopes we’ll attract a larger audience we risk losing everything. More often than not, we end up missing our target completely.

Figure out who your perfect people are and speak only to them. Use your message to draw them to you and ignore everyone else. Do not try to convince them you are something you’re not…or aren’t something you are.

Be who you be.

Everything else has been done and said before. You are the only thing that’s unique about your business. Market it. Celebrate it. Believe in it.

 

 

 

Friday Round-Up: Creating an Impact is Not a Solo Venture

[message type=”custom” width=”50%” align=”center” start_color=”#fffff7″ end_color=”#B5EDFF” border=”#999999″ color=”#333333″]Each Friday I’ll post a round-up of a few of my favorite posts, blogs and offers for the week. As a first “Friday Round-Up” I thought it appropriate to start with those I am most grateful for. This is a list of pure awesomeness. This list can change the course of your business. Use it wisely.[/message]

Few successes are of the solo variety and the launch of this site is certainly no exception. I was lucky enough to receive the generous help of some very special people, people who I really think you’re going to want to meet.

 

Lisa Valuyskaya from IdeaStylist

Lisa’s work has been an integral part of the entire launch. From branding to site design to ebook layout, she has worked tirelessly to provide a cohesive visual experience that reflects perfectly the message I sought to convey. Lisa, I couldn’t have done this without you!

 

Ryah Albatros from InformationJunkiesAnonymous

Without Ryah’s support, advice and assistance I don’t think the launch would have been anywhere near on-schedule. Ryah has an uncanny ability to sort through all the muck and simplify the task at hand, making things feel much more manageable. It’s a gift I’ve utilized over and over again and am so very grateful for. Thank you, sister!

 

Catherine Caine from CashandJoy

Catherine put a wager out there a couple months ago…and I took her up on it. And here we are today. In working with her I was able to gain an incredible amount of clarity on what I wanted to create for you here. I think the result is pretty friggin’ awesome, don’t you? Such win!

 

Bridget Pilloud from BridgetPilloud

While she probably has absolutely no idea, her daily Soul Notes have kept me grounded throughout this (sometimes stressful) process. Some days, usually the toughest ones, it would seem the Soul Notes had been written just for me. I highly recommend signing up for this free slice of awesome. Thank you Bridget, and your Inner Me too!

 

Michael Martine from Remarkablogger

Michael’s encouragement, words of wisdom and magical beard (which has an odd habit of disappearing) have made this journey not only easier but so much more fun. If you want to make a genuine impact with your blog, his site is one you don’t want to miss. Thank you, Gandalf…I mean Michael!

 

LaVonne Ellis from MakeCustomersLoveYou

If you’re one of my perfect people there’s a good chance you already know LaVonne. If you haven’t met her yet I’m very proud to introduce you. Her commitment to providing a community of supportive, caring and creative solopreneurs through her Customer Love Challenges has enriched the lives of everyone who participates. Tweet up with this awesomesaucetastic group at #customerlove.

 

The Dream Factory

My mastermind group has got to be the best one around. I’ll accept no evidence to the contrary. Without the weekly support of, and accountability to, these lovely ladies I’m not sure where I would have found the strength and resolve to get this shit done in the short time I allowed myself. A very special thanks to Susan T. Blake, Tisha Berg and Mary Havlicek for everything you are, everything you give and everything you’ve yet to create. Working together with these three amazing women is an incredible gift…and one I get to indulge in EVERY WEEK! Yeah, I’m pretty blessed.

 

Mark J. Pugliese from MarkJPugliese

His behind-the-scenes support and editorial eye have been paramount to this launch’s success. Always willing to drop everything to help extinguish yet another anxiety fire (yes, we ALL have them sometimes), Mark stood by me throughout this process with infinite patience and encouragement.

 

Last but certainly not least, thank YOU!

You are here, reading this right now, and that not only makes me incredibly happy…it’s the one-and-only reason this site was created. It’s why all these people worked so diligently to help me build it, including those who didn’t even know they were helping at the time. It was all for you all along!

 

Thank you for being my inspiration. Thank you for being my strength. Thank you for being exactly who you be, right here in this very moment.